the gathering dark

February 1, 2006

We’re two weeks out from Valentine’s Day, and the males in the house are getting nervous. Not all of them. I assume Mohawk the cat will be getting me a mouse. And the dog figures will lower my blood pressure by insisting on receiving a full massage and ear scratch. They never have trouble with holidays.

But my husband is, at last count, behind by one gift. I give very direct hints at holidays. Usually by dropping the catalog into his lap with the item circled. My Christmas gift was out of stock by the time he went to order. So he tried a distraction.

DH: I’m getting you something from Staples (meaning an office chair)

ME: Staples has earrings?

DH: No, something to sit on.

ME: But sitting on earrings will not be comfortable.

DH: A chair.

ME: I can sit on it while putting in my earrings…

And so it went.

The earrings are back in stock, now. So, Jim, if you are reading over my shoulder? You know when I told you that you can’t buy your way out of trouble with jewelry?

I lied. Get both pairs on my wishlist at and you are covered until our anniversary.

Puberty is hitting the rest of the males in the house as well.

#1 Son announced yesterday, during a discussion of the value of a second language, that he would not be learning to speak “female.” Because “It’s like talking to a dog. You THINK you know what they’re saying, but really, you have no idea. Timmy’s down a well? No, the house is on fire… How are we expected to know?”

#2 Son was listening to the jewelry ads on the radio this morning (obviously missing the lesson I am trying to teach his father). When the jingle was singing that jewelry goes “straight to the heart…”

Sean said, “Yeah. And so does McDonald’s.”