August 14, 2006

It’s been a slow couple of weeks at the movies. Well, really only a slow week. after about 8 days in summer, I go into movie withdrawal.

But this week, I have something to look forward to. On Friday, I will be watching “Snakes on a Plane”. Perhaps it’s not to late to Netflix a couple of bad Airport movies and a couple of giant snake movies to get myself in the mood. There is already a “snake on a plane” movie. Fer de Lance (I think). I remember watching it on CBS when I was a teenager. I need it.

Great movies may be good, but a truly bad movie? It’s like Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving, all rolled into one, but with no cooking required. And I’m positive SoaP will be awful.

The commercial came on the other day, and #1 son ran in the office yelling, “You have to see this. Samuel L Jackson says:

“I’ve had it with these @#$%^&^%$#@# on this @#$%^&^%$#@#.”

And of course, he does dear. I believe this is the winning line from a fan contest. Now go away, I’m trying to work.”

But this morning I saw the commercial. I almost fell off the couch laughing.

#1 son: What?

Mom: Samuel L. Jackson says, “I’ve had it with these @#$%^&^%$#@# on this @#$%^&^%$#@#.” (laughing hysterically).

#1 son: Duh. I told you that yesterday.

Mom: But when HE says it, it’s funnier.

(Someone just recently told me that she’d seen S L J in a restaurant. I would have gone up to him asked him to say @#$%^&^%$#@#.)

But it’s rated R. I must find out why.

If it’s
R for @#$%^&^%$#@# language
R for @#$%^&^%$#@# violence

we will go as a family.

But if it’s

R for @#$%^&^%$#@# nudity? I’ll want to know exactly how many tits are involved before I make my decision.

Yes, I know this is a double standard, and encouraging swearing and violence while traumatizing my children with sexual hang ups.

But it’s not like I let them see every violent movie. No movies allowed with titles that start with “Saw” for instance. And no “Hostel” although #1 son got to see that at a friend’s house anyway, so I was the only one protected from it.

But I tend to try to avoid movies with nudity. My logic, such as it is:

I have all the female parts commonly displayed in R rated movies. But I don’t have an axe stuck in my head. So it’s easier for me to achieve intellectual distance as concerns the bloody axe.

And we only have a little time left as a family where we can all pretend that the other parties know nothing about sex. Especially since I am now writing romance, and have to resist blurting out some of the things I talk about with the other romance writers.

Particularly while dining in public with my family. Occasionally the boys have to say “Language!” or give me the “Not at the dinner table” speech.

But #1 son assures me that, if there is sexual content in SoaP, anyone who gets in the mile high club is going to die anyway.

Now who’s giving my kids hang ups?