Pan’s Labrynth

April 1, 2007

Ok, this was not actually the movie I’ve seen most recently.

(The last movie I saw was “the Host” which is a subtitled Korean horror movie that has been accurately reviewed as a cross between “Godzilla” and “Little Miss Sunshine”. A very good movie, especially if you can see it after a side of kim chi and maybe some fried squid).

But it was the most appropriate title I could come up with for what has to be


This is an idea so great, it has given me hope for mankind. If someone can solve this problem, then world peace and an end to global warming are just around the corner.

How many times have you suffered the crushing disappointment of soggy brownies from the middle of the pan?

Have you ever gotten out of your comfy chair, of an evening, to provide dessert for your ungrateful family, only to have them swoop in when the pan comes out of the oven, and steal all the corners?

But now, someone has invented a pan that is nothing but corner pieces. Gooey brownie, trimmed by crispy edges. Good to the last bite.

Glory Halleujah, I feel good, just thinking about it.

Actually, I think everyone feels better, thinking about dessert. I heard once, from a person who was a police evidence tech and who had seen more than her share of crazed lunatics, that the quickest way to calm them down was to say, “Do you like cake?”

Experience had shown that the word “cake” worked better than pie.

#2 Son and I recently discovered a new TV network called ChillerTV. I hesitate to say “Total Crap 24/7” since they will be showing “The Haunting” this week.

But when we were watching, it was “Night Gallery” followed by “Tales from the Crypt” followed by “Tales From the Crypt: Bordello of Blood”.

I am not sure which was funnier. The fact that the last one starred Dennis Miller, or that #2 Son spotted the tendency of the same props to show up from one episode to the next (Like we wouldn’t notice…) Clearly, the Cryptkeeper was cutting corners in the budget.

But all this bad horror was interspersed with even worse commercials for the kind of products that you look at with your lizard brain and think “Hey! I need one of those. And I can get two of them for two easy payments of $19.95.”

Before your rational mind yells “ARE YOU ON CRACK? Put down the credit card and get your hand away from the phone.”

But in the middle of an episode of “Night Gallery” where a 70’s bit player is trying to convince dead serious, eye patch wearing, adventurer, Leslie Neilsen, to spend a night in a haunted house (where he would be punished for war crimes by being tricked into committing suicide because he thought he was about to turn into a giant slug…which is really pretty stupid, but I guess you had to be there…)

Right as the tension was ratcheting up, and we were straining our suspension of disbelief to fever pitch to make the cheap scare work on a sunny Saturday afternoon…

A commercial broke in and demanded to know, “Do you like pancakes?” And then tried to sell me a Teflon pan that would make pancake balls, great for breakfast, kids parties, or even filled with meatballs, for a fun supper!

It totally killed the mood.

I have no idea what you use to calm down a hysterical diabetic.