road trip

October 22, 2007

I am just back from Cherry Con: an intimate gathering of Jennifer Crusie fans that was held this weekend in Cincinnati, OH. And I am chock full of exciting information.

1. I learned that I can’t spell Cincinatti. Single n, double n, single t. So anyone whose book I autographed, where I said we were, ‘having a wonderful time in…’ I was totally wrong. Go in there and correct that, please.

2. If you drive to Ohio from Wisconsin, you can take a tax deduction that is about $300 more than the price of a plane ticket. It is a straight shot, down clearly marked highways, and very difficult to get lost.

I managed, of course. But made it there and back, all the same.

3. There are metal birds in Ohio. I went to a pre-con party at Jenny Crusie’s on Wednesday night, and she has an ornate porch rail, complete with wire bird’s nests in the newel posts of the stairs. I do not know what kind of bird built the nests, but I would recommend hard hats for anyone walking through the woods.

4. Dachshunds can jump onto chairs. I assumed, with the short legs and long bodies, that this would be impossible. Until I almost sat on one of Crusie’s dogs. Sorry Wolfie.

5. Cincinnati is the most clean and polite place on the planet, even edging out Canada. I am not totally sure, looking back on it, that Cincinnati is even in the United States. The part of it we were in is technically Kentucky, which went against everything I’d ever learned about it in school. I started out at a serious geographic disadvantage.

When I pulled into the parking ramp, next to our hotel, I figured I’d be there temporarily, until I figured out where I should really park. But I’d accidentally found a spot just a few feet from the door to the hotel. I’ve never had a spot this near the door.

Creepy.

The rest of the experience at the hotel, and in Cincinnati in general went just as well. The food was excellent. The pool was a full size lap pool. The hotel’s maids not only cleaned the room: they left handwritten thank you notes when we tipped them, and then folded our hand towels and wash cloths, into artistic caddies for the toiletries.

The hot place for tourists to hang out in Cincy is Newport on the Levee. And it was there that the experience slipped into surrealism. This place is a kind of indoor/outdoor mall, complete with restaurants, a movie theater and the aquarium. My roommate Cory Lavitt needed a trip to the bathroom.

It was in the parking garage.
And it was clean.
And safe.
And next to it, was the ATM cash machine.

We were both scratching our heads at this. In any other major American city, if you are relieving yourself in a parking garage, you are probably pissing in the corner of a stairwell. IMHO, all parking garages end up smelling like impromptu urinals for the homeless.

But this was an honest-to-God, clean, tiled, multi-stall ladies room. Complete with piped in music. 70’s pop. (I sang along).

And in any other place, the money coming out of an unguarded ATM in a parking garage would come complete with armed thugs, who were hiding behind parked cars, waiting to take your money, validate your parking ticket, and give you a receipt entitling you for a free T-shirt that said, “I got robbed in (insert name of city here)!”

But not in Cincinnati.

More soon.

12 responses to “road trip”

  1. Yes, but you didn’t get to experience the wonder that IS Porkopolis.

    However, as a Miami native, I am in awe of the bathroom and ATM story.

    Awe, I tell you.

    • inkgrrl says:

      Porkopolis? I boggle…

      I’m in awe of all of it, and very sad that I couldn’t have been there too. Not least because I missed out on CHEESE CURDS! Which are of the Gods.

    • admin says:

      I saw this, and had to go and look up the Porkopolis website.

      It used to be a pottery factory. You can eat in a kiln. I can’t decide if this is intriguing or disturbing.

      But I was reading Neil Gaiman’s blog today, and he mentioned a place that Cory (my roomie) recommended while we were there.

      http://www.junglejims.com

      Why did we not go here? We lost track of time. And I even had a car, dammit. It was do-able.

      Check out the attractions page of this site. It’s a cross between DisneyWorld and Piggly Wiggly. They have Sherwood Forest, complete with Robin Hood, in the British Foods section. And an olive bar. I LOVE OLIVES.

      Of course, I’d probably have blacked out in the presence of ‘The Big Cheese’.

  2. Yes, but you didn’t get to experience the wonder that IS Porkopolis.

    However, as a Miami native, I am in awe of the bathroom and ATM story.

    Awe, I tell you.

    • inkgrrl says:

      Porkopolis? I boggle…

      I’m in awe of all of it, and very sad that I couldn’t have been there too. Not least because I missed out on CHEESE CURDS! Which are of the Gods.

    • admin says:

      I saw this, and had to go and look up the Porkopolis website.

      It used to be a pottery factory. You can eat in a kiln. I can’t decide if this is intriguing or disturbing.

      But I was reading Neil Gaiman’s blog today, and he mentioned a place that Cory (my roomie) recommended while we were there.

      http://www.junglejims.com

      Why did we not go here? We lost track of time. And I even had a car, dammit. It was do-able.

      Check out the attractions page of this site. It’s a cross between DisneyWorld and Piggly Wiggly. They have Sherwood Forest, complete with Robin Hood, in the British Foods section. And an olive bar. I LOVE OLIVES.

      Of course, I’d probably have blacked out in the presence of ‘The Big Cheese’.

  3. cherryredd says:

    Have you learned nothing from this trip, Chris? They are called Room Attendants, NOT maids. Were you not present when I got the lecture from Lisa the desk clerk? And they were absolutely fab. The notes, the towel-folding tricks, I couldn’t agree more.

    I read A Wicked Liason on the plane ride home. It made the turbulence from the Santa Ana winds much easier to deal with. It’s your Best book so far. Quite possibly the Best book ever! Thank you for my wonderful prize.

  4. cherryredd says:

    Have you learned nothing from this trip, Chris? They are called Room Attendants, NOT maids. Were you not present when I got the lecture from Lisa the desk clerk? And they were absolutely fab. The notes, the towel-folding tricks, I couldn’t agree more.

    I read A Wicked Liason on the plane ride home. It made the turbulence from the Santa Ana winds much easier to deal with. It’s your Best book so far. Quite possibly the Best book ever! Thank you for my wonderful prize.

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