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May 18th, 2010

Recently, I was grocery shopping, and bought some yogurt.

There is nothing new about this. We usually have yogurt in the house, and I am a big fan of both flavored and plain. But I was at an Aldi store, instead of a regular chain. And Aldi is home of many mysterious store brands, so I knew there would be no Yoplait.

But this was an Aldi’s in a Hispanic neighborhood.

Aldi’s is actually a German chain. Many products have a European flavor to them. In the cookie aisle, I was buying Jaffa cakes for my English themed promotional baskets. But the yogurt was labeled in Spanish.

So. I was in the Germano-Spanic grocery store, buying yogurt. And I saw a six pack of guava and mango flavored yogurt.

Cool. I like guavas and mangos. #1 son’s girlfriend is allergic to mangos, so they are kind of a guilty pleasure here. When she visits, I try to be careful, but have been known to accidentally slip them into menus, without thinking. I am afraid that she thinks I am passively aggressively trying to kill her. But really, I am not. I am just forgetful.

And I like mangos.

But she is not likely to be coming around the house to check the yogurt. So I bought them. Even though they were probiotic, I bought them. Because I suspect that most yogurt is probiotic, being full of enzymes and having active culture and all. It is only recently that they have begun to tell us, so they can add to the price tag. But Aldi’s is generally cheap, and these were not much more expensive than Yoplait.

There is nothing wrong with my digestion. I also do not read Spanish.

I just like guavas and mangos.

This morning, #1, who has returned home for summer, looked into the fridge and said, “What’s this?” And the DH said:

“That’s your mother’s yogurt.”

Whoa. Wait a minute. This is not my yogurt. This is community yogurt.

I blame Jamie Lee Curtis, and her stupid commercials, where she is surrounded by other middle aged women, and they are all talking about feeling bloated, and sucking down yogurt and acting like it’s a form of feminine protection.

The flavor is not tropical Midol, people. Just guavas and mangos. It’s not going to make you grow breasts. Shut up and eat your yogurt.

I’d be angrier at the actress shilling the probiotics, but I think Jamie Lee has her own cross to bear. Along with the presence of mangos in #1 girlfriend’s salsa, Jamie Lee’s breasts were one of the things I’d forgotten about. They kind of popped out at us one night, after I’d turned on the movie Trading Places and assured my teenage sons that they would love it. They did love it. It is a very funny movie. But I am sure the boobies were a value added feature.

And now, the owner of those boobies is known as “The Activia yogurt lady.”

Lo! How the mighty have fallen.