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December 1st, 2010

Today, it is snowing.

I live in Wisconsin. It is December. Snow should not be a surprise. And so far, this is not the spirit lifting, fluffy Christmas card snow. Yesterday had the occasional icy flakes that tell you Fall is gone and is not coming back. Today is the sort of thin flurry that will never amount to much, other than a grey sky and a few icy patches on the road.

But in other ways, Wisconsin is doing me proud. Last night on The Colbert Report, Stephen was given a cheese sculpture of himself from Wisconsin.

Strangely enough, there is nothing on their website to trumpet this fact.

http://www.organicvalley.coop/

And I cannot find a picture on the web this morning. But I know I did not dream it, since I am not prone to dreaming of Stephen Colbert. Or cheddar.

And over Thanksgiving weekend, we went up North for a quick visit to my folks and saw a true Wisconsin moment. I did not do the crock pot and carry Thanksgiving I’ve done the last few years, since my mother was eager to go to the friendship dinner for the lonely and homeless, rather than having me cook.

Oh, come on. My cooking is not that bad. Really. We had a sit down meal here, complete with multiple sides and several pies. To the best of my knowledge, no one died from it. We took the leftovers from it up North, and left them in Mom’s fridge.

But while there, we took a quick trip to the Shopko on Black Friday. Probably because we are insane. And we spent some family time staring into the Heart of Darkness that is the bin of $10 gifts for the cheap and lazy. This is the place for office exchanges and white elephant swaps. Or for actual gifts for family members that you do not like very much.

#1 son pulled up a winner. A keychain breathalyzer. After the party, blow into it and it will tell you whether you’re safe to drive. And #1 pointed out that there was a flashlight attached for “When you decide to ignore it, and need help finding the ignition.”

Merry Christmas. Because nothing says “We all think you’re a drunk” quite like giving a breathalyzer for Christmas. This should be displayed next to the ironic exercise equipment and membership coupons for Weight Watchers.

But no. Shopko had put it in the same bin as hip flasks.

Welcome to Wisconsin. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.