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December 24th, 2014

mayhem on the mangerOn the first day of Christmas my new cat gave to me
Broken glass upon the kitchen floor.

On the second day of Christmas my new cat gave to me
A nibbled Christmas cactus, and
broken glass upon the kitchen floor.

On the third day of Christmas my new cat gave to me
One kneecapped pixie,
a nibbled Christmas cactus, and
broken glass upon the kitchen floor.

On the fourth day of Christmas my new cat gave to me
A dead mouse,
one kneecapped pixie,
a nibbled Christmas cactus, and
broken glass upon the kitchen floor.

On the fifth day of Christmas my new cat gave to me
DAMN IT, get away from that tree.
A dead mouse,
one kneecapped pixie,
a nibbled Christmas cactus, and
broken glass upon the kitchen floor.

On the sixth day of Christmas my new cat gave to me
One molested manger,
DAMN IT, get away from that tree.
A dead mouse,
one kneecapped pixie,
a nibbled Christmas cactus, and
broken glass upon the kitchen floor.

On the seventh day of Christmas my new cat gave to me
Another dead mouse,
one molested manger,
DAMN IT, get away from that tree.
A dead mouse,
One kneecapped pixie,
a nibbled Christmas cactus, and
broken glass upon the kitchen floor.

On the eighth day of Christmas my new cat gave to me
Missing tree ornaments,
another dead mouse,
one molested manger,
DAMN IT, get away from that tree.
a dead mouse,
one kneecapped pixie,
nibbled Christmas cactus, and
broken glass upon the kitchen floor.

On the ninth day of Christmas my new cat gave to me
Cat pee on my anti-depressants?
Missing tree ornaments,
another dead mouse,
one molested manger,
DAMN IT, get away from that tree.
A dead mouse,
one kneecapped pixie,
a nibbled Christmas cactus, and
broken glass upon the kitchen floor.

On the tenth day of Christmas my new cat gave to me
JIM! THERE’S A DEAD BAT IN THE KITCHEN. AND MAYHEM’S PLAYING WITH IT.
cat pee on my anti-depressants,
missing tree ornaments,
another dead mouse,
one molested manger,
DAMN IT, get away from that tree.
A dead mouse,
One kneecapped pixie,
A nibbled Christmas cactus, and
broken glass upon the kitchen floor.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my new cat gave to me
I MEAN SERIOUSLY. THAT BODY IS THE SIZE OF A PIGEON.
Cat pee on my anti-depressants.
missing tree ornaments,
Another dead mouse,
One molested manger,
DAMN IT, get away from that tree.
A dead mouse,
one kneecapped pixie,
a nibbled Christmas cactus, and
broken glass upon the kitchen floor.

On the last day of Christmas my new cat gave to me
TELL ME THAT DID NOT COME IN ON THE TREE OR I’M CANCELING CHRISTMAS,
missing tree ornaments,
cat pee on my anti-depressants,
another dead mouse,
one molested manger,
DAMN IT, get away from that tree.
A dead mouse,
one kneecapped pixie,
a nibbled Christmas cactus, and
broken glass upon the kitchen floor.

Merry Christmas, Everybody!

And, as a special gift, the 25th and 26th, WILL WORK FOR CHEESE, will be available for free on Kindle. Knock yourselves out.

[Will work for cheese]