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February 5th, 2016

So, the usual apologies. Been gone a long time, blah blah, disaster, sturm und drang, blah blah, writer’s block…

But, every so often, an event comes along that is so important it cannot be ignored.

I went to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

I couldn’t help it. I had to. I like movies. And I like zombies. And I love Pride and Prejudice.

Also since it was set in Regency England(ish) I think it might be deductible.

But mostly, I went because I love train wrecks, and this had every indication to be one of those. You see, I read the book, which sucked donkey balls. That was mostly a lazy cut and paste job of a few zombie scenes stuck into the Jane Austen original. Loved the concept, hated hated HATED the execution.

It was better than the Dark Shadows movie.
It was better than Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter
It was better than the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies book.
(And all three of those were written by Seth Grahame-Smith, Anyone sensing a pattern?)

It was not as good as Jane Austen’s Fight Club.

Nothing is as good as that.

But if you ever watched P&P and wished it had more (any) fight scenes, this movie is for you. Particularly, if you want to see actual Jane Austen dialog delivered during those fights… And if you ever kind of wished that Jane had a bit more starch to her, or wanted to see Lizzy give Darcy a roundhouse kick to the head…

This could be your movie.

On the down side:
It was neither scary nor romantic. Most of the acting was bland. Lizzy was too weepy. Darcy looked kind of like a narcoleptic version of young Robert Vaughn with really bad hair. Some of the evening gowns looked kind of like polyester prom dresses, and there was too much leather on both men and women.

The filmmakers had the same firm grasp of English geography and the amount of time it takes to get places on a horse as I do. And I once tried to tell my husband that Wales was on the East coast.

(Because it was east of me. In my mind, England has no west side. It’s all east. I’m not ignorant of UK geography. I’m ignorant of ALL GEOGRAPHY. And I have no sense of direction. I use both Siri and a GPS, and I still get lost.)

And the premise was ridiculous.

On the up side:

Matt Smith as Mr. Collins was excellent, and apparently the only one let in on the joke. He stole every scene he was in. Some of the fight scenes were pretty good. The zombie makeup was good. The sprigged muslin day dresses were very good.

And the premise was ridiculous!

Also, unlike the book, there was a plot. It wasn’t a great plot. But it was a plot! And not awful. Possibly because the screenplay was written by Burr Steers and not Seth Grahame-Smith (who is better at coming up with titles than books).

Also, there is a wet shirt Darcy scene, which was with a great ironic shout out to Colin Firth, or put in by people who never read the actual book. (I am hoping it’s the former).

I give PP & Z a tentative thumbs up. See it at a matinee. And if possible, drink first.

And while I have your attention, I have a new book coming out in March

[Secrets of Wiscombe Chase]

“What do I want? Satisfaction. Reparation. Revenge…”

Though Gerald Wiscombe left for war a naive boy, he returns a man determined to claim what’s rightfully his! But when Gerry suspects that his wife has been less than faithful in his absence, he intends to seek the truth.

The Secrets of Wiscombe Chase does not have zombies. But it does have Rex (the wonder deer).