October 25th Creature from the Black Lagoon

Going back to an old favorite. Campy fun, with nice underwater photography, and Seahunt era bathing suits. As usual, a Creature goes after the girl, and things end badly for him.

October 26th Them!

This movie has held up better than all the other creature features from its era. It still has some genuine scares in it. Weird sound effects and a creepy, traumatized girl with a broken doll. It takes a good third of the movie to get to the ants, and by then, the tension is ratcheted up pretty high.

There is also a plucky girl scientist, who stays smart for the duration of the movie. Very progressive, for the 50’s.

As with the Black Lagoon, I always wonder why they haven’t remade this one.

October 27th Paranormal Activity 2

Loved it. And can’t say much more than that, without giving away the plot. Not just a rip-off. It does a clever job of working a sequel into a movie that was meant as a standalone, back spinning the plot to explain the other story.

Not recommended for the faint of heart if
You have a dog.
Or a kid.
Or a basement.
Or are named Chris. Every time they called the heroine by name, I twitched.

October 28th Don’t Look Now

I tried. This is supposed to be one of those atmospheric movies that scared everyone in the 70’s.

Maybe a little. But it was a little too subtle for me, although I found the images of Venice in winter to be moody and a little chilling. Also, the sex scene might be erotic, or at least touching, if you are the sort of person who doesn’t mind looking at a naked Donald Sutherland. Personally, I found this to be one of the scarier parts of the movie.

October 29th Black Sheep

The best movie ever.

This was recommended by #1 son, and my friend Jean. I don’t know if either of them have actually seen it, or if this was some kind of dare, after I expressed my love for the dairy farm monster, earlier this month.

But man eating sheep are better. As are the were-sheep that the bitten humans become. The hero is in therapy for his unfortunate phobia of sheep. As killer sheep are trying to eat through a door to get him he says it’s

“Just the completely unfounded and irrational fear that one day *this* is going to happen!”

There are bestiality jokes, sheep farts, and a mint jelly attack. Also, lots and lots of sheep, struggling to look vicious.

October 20th Phantasm

I saw this move when it came out in theaters, in 1979. I hated it then. It spawned a series. I don’t understand why. I watched it again, figuring every thirty years or so, one should offer a second chance.

Or maybe not.

#2 son wanted to know why the hero’s hair was so girly. I told him, it was because it was the 70’s. Everyone looked like that, back then.

The hair and clothes were scary, as was the acting, and the brief musical interlude. Also, the fact that the chiller network blurs out bare nipples, but leaves the rest of the body give the gratuitous nudity in this movie a Barbie Doll quality that was pretty disturbing.

The rest of it was still dumb.

October 21st The Abominable Doctor Phibes

Now that’s more like it. This movie knows it’s cheesy. It’s all right with that, and so am I.

I remember first seeing the climactic “He shall have a face… like mine…” scene on a Saturday morning kids show on ABC. There was probably something seriously wrong with showing horror movies to us little kiddies, along with all the violence in our cartoons.

It probably explains a lot about the warps in my character.

October 22nd Let Me In

The American remake of the movie I just watched last week. Definitely worth going to the theater for. Belongs firmly in the ‘movies that don’t suck’ category.

I’ve always thought that actual childhood can be much scarier than anything in a horror movie, and this story proves it.

Ocober 23rd Five Million Years to Earth

#2 was rolling his eyes at me, but I like this movie. Another Hammer film, and of a character more popular in Britain than America, Professor Bernard Quatermass. A kind of proto Doctor Who. I watch it every time it is on, which is about once a year.

The effects are cheap, with things flying around on wires. But by the time the aliens drive everyone mad, and the rioting and wind machines start, I am always properly creeped out by this movie.

October 24th Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy

Ouch.

I saw the Abbott and Costello movies when I was a kid. And then saw a rerun a couple of years ago, and thought they were still fun.

I must have been drinking heavily at the time. Or else the quality fell off by the time they got to the Mummy. The high point of this was trying to decide if that was Mel Cooley from the Dick Van Dyke Show, under all that Egyptian make-up.

It was.

Other than that, it was a long 90 minutes.

We are now up to the last week before Halloween. Where are all the good movies? I have taken over the remote, and am spending too much time flipping through the channels, amazed by the amount of things that are not frightening me this year.

A targeted application of Netflix will be necessary to get me through the last few days of this month, since it does not appear that I can depend on satellite TV to do its job.

October 17th Suspiria

I don’t get it.

No really.

This is supposed to be a classic of Italian horror. The sets were ugly. The lighting was ugly. The acting was bad. It had a sound track that made me want to punch someone.

And the villain hummed along with it.

As it is explained in the middle of the movie: a witch starts a school for ballet and the occult arts. But when she dies, they kind of drop the occult and focus on the ballet.

That explanation was the highpoint for me. But there was another hour and forty five minutes that set my teeth on edge.

October 18th Let the Right One In

Much better.

Oppressive, sad, romantic. And scary.

Little Oskar has a crush on the girl next door. Even though she’s eating the neighbors.

I’m looking forward to seeing the remake this week. It’s from the new Hammer studios. For that reason alone, I’d go.

October 19th The Mummy’s Crotch.
I mean Shroud.

From the old Hammer studios. Not one of their finer moments.

As #2 son pointed out, the mummy has a camel toe. Not a moose knuckle (as one would expect from a male mummy. A camel toe.

There is really not a good look for Imhotep, or whoever he’s supposed to be. He seems to be wearing a rag jumpsuit, complete with gathered sleeves and a zipper. I am mesmerized by all the things wrong with his costume, and cannot focus on the plot.

Bonus flick Cloverfield

I liked it in the theater. It still works on TV, although they cut the majority of the closing credit theme, Roar, by Michael Giacchino. This wonderful riff on the old Toho studios Godzilla scores is on my Ipod, along with a lot of other Giacchino soundtracks.

Of course, the whole movie is a riff on Godzilla. When you consider that Godzilla was a direct response to the nuclear end to WWII, then Clover destroying NYC is just a part of the 9-11 healing process. The kaiju is a symbol of all we cannot understand or control.

And yet, strangely fun.

October 13th Dawn of the Dead

Zombies in a shopping mall. The original version, not the remake. First saw it in the theater when it came out. Didn’t get it.
More fun, now that I know the soundtrack music by Dario Argento was reused in Shaun of the Dead. Am also a lot more amused, now days, by nihilism and capitalist zombies.

October 14th 28 Days Later

Zombies attack Britain and Christopher Eccleston goes mad.

But they are not zombies. We are not using the zed word.

I am worried that the month is getting a little zombie-heavy. But there will be more, I am sure.

October 15th Gamera vs. Monster X

A jet powered turtle saves the World’s Fair. Two little boys steal a mini-sub and go for a joy ride down his throat.

And a Japanese scientist explains that the monster is weaker outside of his natural environment, just as Eskimos become weaker when you take them to a warmer climate.

What the Hell?

Also, never blow into a statue named The Devil’s Whistle.

But this and a margarita got me through cleaning the kitchen. Therefore, it’s a great movie.

October 16th Isolation

If Alien was set on a dairy farm, it would be this movie.

The first straight up scare of the month for me. Full of what #1’s friend Olivia called ‘hoodie moments’.

You know. Where you hide your face in your hoodie, to keep from seeing the scary part?

This is an Irish indie movie, small, obscure and by a first time director, that plays on UK fears of mad cow and hoof and mouth. Bloody, in a veterinary sort of way. Most reviews use the word ‘claustrophobic.’ They are accurate.

Maybe I am biased. I was scared by the rather silly Signs, because I watched it alone and surrounded by corn fields. But Isolation manages to make Holstein cows look threatening.

I will not be going up the hill to visit the neighbor’s herd.

Can’t sleep. Cows will eat me.

Oct. 8th Diabolique

The original in French with subtitles. My first foreign scare of the season. I’ve known the plot of this movie forever, but have never watched it. Not supernatural, but still creepy as hell, with a murder going horribly wrong and a vanishing corpse. A slow growing tension to an excellent climax.

Oct. 9th King Kong

The newest version. Scary enough, until Kong goes on his NYC date with Ann. Skating in central park? Why? Peter Jackson could have cut those fifteen minutes, and made me a happy camper. But I love deco New York, the dino stampede and assorted monsters.

Also, the labradoodle is obsessed with a rubber throwing toy also called a Kong. Half the dialog, and any comments from the audience left him in a conflicted state, thinking that we were about to go out for a game of fetch.

Since Havoc is one of the least scary dogs on the planet, it kind of killed the mood.

Oct. 10th Fright Night Soon to be remade with David Tennant and that McLovin’ kid from Superbad.

But this is the 80’s classic “My neighbor is a vampire” teen movie. The movie teen-agers are obviously closer to 30 than high school, but Chris Sarandon totally rocks a leather trench coat, as a New Wave Dracula.

Oct. 11th White Zombie

Not the band.

This has been in my collection forever, unwatched. I saw it in the 70’s, and missed the subtleties of it. Vaguely expressionistic and a little kinky, with a bride turned to zombie slave by an obsessed stalker. Full of shambling half-deads, jumping soundlessly off cliffs.

The 30’s costumes are great, like a zombie fashion show complete with evening bridal and lingerie. Both the hero and the villain prove that jodhpurs are a hard look to pull off.

And Bela Lagosi needs an eyebrow trim. They seem to be growing backwards. You can almost smell the spirit gum.

Oct. 12th Ghostbusters

You’ve all seen it. And if you haven’t, what are you waiting for? It manages to be both funny and scary, especially if you are a librarian with a fear of disordered card files.

The second crop of movies…

Oct. 5th Sweeny Todd

After some puzzling about how an American musical with an American star ended up on BBC America I jumped on board (There are some Brits in it. And they count anything with an accent on that channel, even if it’s fake).

Grand Guignol. Plenty of blood splashing artistically. It’s sing-able, and it has Johnny Depp. What’s not to like? Not quite as haunting as the original, or as eerie as the recording of the recent Broadway revival. But good enough.

Oct. 6th The Last Man on Earth

A testament to my obsession with Vincent Price, I picked this up when the movie I am Legend came out a while back. Last Man is the first of three movies of that story, and although it is a low on budget and high on cheese, it is much better than the Will Smith movie.

But man, is it depressing. I know I watched this movie when I was a kid, and it bounced right off me. But this time, the stark black and white images of corpses and desolation got under my skin. The fact that it is an Italian co-production went over my head when I was younger. But now, it seems dark and foreign, and worth the dollar or two I paid for the DVD.

I am not exactly scared, but kind of creeped out, and wondering if I can stand a month of this.

Oct. 7th Psychomania

This was playing on TCM late at night, and I hit record.

#2 asked why.

I said “British biker zombies.”

He agreed that there was no way I could not record it. It was waiting for me in the list, and I needed a palate cleanser.

It started out being simply awful. A 70’s biker gang riding in a slow and orderly fashion through standing stones. This is the most polite gang I have ever seen. It also has the worst fashion sense. Their helmets have stylized death’s head visors that make them look like bugs. “The Living Dead” is on the back of their leathers, but the lettering is pink.

It is the height of mod. It looks like someone involved saw A Clockwork Orange, and thought they could make a movie just like that.

They were mistaken.

There is demonic toad worship. A mother offering her baby as a gift to Satan while wearing white gloves and a fetching hat. A biker funeral where the corpse is buried, bike and all, in a hole that is not deep enough to cover him while a folk musician plays guitar and evil bikers make daisy chains.

And when the corpse rises from the dead, the first thing he does is call his mother. And gas up his bike. Because apparently, even dead bikers still rely on fossil fuels.

At first I was yawning. But after about 15 minutes, my jaw dropped in awe and stayed down for the rest of the movie.

Bring on another movie. I am back in the game.

Things have been hectic lately. September was spent on a series of family emergencies that kept me away from the Casa and away from the blog.

But Halloween is coming, and I am hoping to spend as much of October as possible celebrating the season. The bins of decorations are down from the attic, the Halloween village is mostly up. The yard is not decorated yet. But since it is currently filled with a boxelder beetle infestation, I am willing to give it a couple of days before nagging the DH and #2 to get the ghouls out of the basement.

In the meantime, to keep myself in the mood, I am having a month long, movie marathon.

Of course, there is some question as to which mood I should be in. Due to a sudden change in contract, the most recent work will now be a Christmas book, out in December of 2011. While I am at the desk, I am hanging mistletoe.

The rest of the time, I’m hanging crepe.

But back to the movies. If you are a writer, and make a plan to sit on your butt watching old movies for a month, it is probably a good idea to find a way to turn it into some kind of research. Or at least to blog about it. That way, you can claim to anyone who is rolling their eyes that you are actually working.
So here goes. The first five days of October, as seen on TV.

October 1, Brides of Dracula, and Dracula, Prince of Darkness.

I’m not a huge fan of the Hammer films, but I may be changing my tune. The first was quietly ridiculous, and totally lacking in Dracula. But it did have Peter Cushing. And some industrious Googling taught me that, at one time in his career, he’d played Mr. Darcy in P & P.

That’s terrifying enough for one move.

The second movie had plenty of Dracula. And a “Don’t go up to the Castle” plot and bloody result, that reminded me of any teen slasher movie of the last 30 years, but with a lot more mascara.
I was marginally creeped out.

October 2: The Tingler

Vincent Price drops acid, and is attacked by a rubber worm. This is the movie that permanently scarred me as a child. Of course I introduced my children to it, in their formative years.

They laughed at me. And imitated the tingler, flopping around on the living room carpet, and pointing out that in the movie, you can clearly see the string pulling the worm.

In the old days, prints were never re-mastered for DVD. TV reception was bad. And children were more innocent and imaginative. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

And my kids were scarred by the picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus hanging in my childhood bedroom.

Wimps.

October 3rd: Creepshow

Creaky fun. The kid in the opening and closing sequence was Stephen King’s son Joe, who grew up to write The Heart-shaped Box, and Horns.

The King family stands as proof that there are children more morbid than mine.

October 4th. Return of the Killer Tomatoes.

There are four Killer Tomato movies. I have all of them.

This is clearly the best. Also, it is my favorite George Clooney movie. Especially the scene where he is trying to get dates by pretending to be recruiting women for a “Date Rob Lowe” contest, offering himself as second prize.

No, it is not scary. But I am making the rules, and I say it counts.

.

Just to keep you all updated on recent doings at Casa de dos quesos:

#2 son survived the triathlon. By an act of God.

About an hour before the event–

After we had gone out and bought a new bike helmet, because we were convinced we’d sent the old ones to Goodwill

(Because why the hell would we need one? We don’t bike)

And a new swim suit

(Because #2 is built like a pencil, and the suit he’s been wearing inflates like a balloon when he tries to submerge it, thus making him look like a pencil with a wad of bubblegum stuck to it)

Anyway. Before we could get in the car, the heavens opened up. And yeah verily, a great wind came and sucked the bug zapper off the porch, and knocked down some tree branches. And then, the rains came.

So. A big pass on driving into town to watch our son be killed by a severe thunderstorm.

Mohawk the cat, who was down to eight lives earlier this year, is now down to seven. On a routine trip to the vet, I had the tech shave some mats and burrs out of his coat. And she discovered that the knot on his tail was actually hiding a quarter inch deep welt, which we assume was caused by his getting his tail caught in a door.

But not a door slammed by any of us. It is a mystery. Mo’s not talking.

Mohawk was more annoyed by the shaving than he was by the welt. But after much veterinary panic, and the doctor announced to the tech “Shave his tail. Skin it!” And I went home with a bottle of antibiotics and a cat with a novelty lion’s tail: thin in the middle and tufted on the end.

I have become a master (or mistress) of stealth syringe drug delivery.

As usual, the cat is fine.

And finally:

We are having a bad season for bugs. And apparently, this is bringing the things that eat bugs as well.

After a new roof and several years of quiet, bats are getting into the house, probably though the basement.
The last two, which the DH took down in flight and threw out, were not nearly as bad as tonight’s extremely feisty bat, which was doing low swoops around the dining room, and frightening the dog.

The DH sighed, and said, “Someone else get this. I got the last two.”

So I pointed to #2 and yelled. “Door. Door. Open…” and then I flapped my arms helplessly.

I am a natural leader. And cool under pressure. I have no idea why no one listens.

#2, (speaking slowly to his crazed mother): Which door.

#1 (calmly looking up from his computer): What?

Havoc: We’re all going to die.

The bat is now doing low swoops around the living room, just over our heads.

Me (with my laptop over my head like a folded newspaper): Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Gasp gasp. Flap flap flap.

It is like the beginning of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, but without the drugs.

#1 dives for the floor and hugs the dog,

DH calmly opens and shuts doors, tracks the bat to the basement, and says: “Right. I’m going to the bathroom. Someone find a badminton racket.”

#2 gets sent to the master suite, where there is a racket behind my dresser.

I wish there were some scandalous story there, involving research for some Regency erotica. But not in this house. In this house, we have S & M tools in the bedroom, in case of bats.

DH and #2 go to the basement to stalk what turns out to be bats, plural. Two. Both hidden or escaped.
But they did find the bicycle helmets.

Better late than never.

#2 son has taken up running.

I don’t know why. To the best of my knowledge, nothing is chasing him. But almost daily, of his own accord, he gets out of his chair and says, “I think I’ll go for a run.” And then, he does.

He has also returned to inform me that the neighbors have a Rottweiler. And that he is not running in that direction again.

Now, I am both surprised, and puzzled. I barely know that we have neighbors, much less what kind of dog they have. And he was running towards it, not away.

But he has taken this newfound interest, and joined the high school cross country team, which makes at least, a modicum of sense. At least, it did until this week. He came home on Monday, and told us that he had to do a triathlon on Friday.

To which his family responded by laughing until we could not breathe.
Apparently, he had confused triathlon with relay. Since he had no problems with handing off batons, he said, “Sure!”

Not only had he gotten the definition wrong. But he’d forgotten one important fact. We have established that he can run a mile. And he insists that he can manage 10 laps of the pool. Although #1 son has his doubts. #1 is a lifeguard, and was a captain of his high school swim team. His standards are high, and I doubt he will approve of #2’s technique. #2 is excessively tall, with long, boney arms and legs that are probably perfect for distance running. But in the pool, he is likely to look like a spider drowning in a bathtub.

Time will tell.

But neither of these is the real problem.

#2 does not know how to ride a bike. We never taught him. The last time I remember trying, it was for #1. I attempted to show him that his mom still had the stuff, because you never forget how to ride a bike. I fell over, and hit him in the knee on the way down.
He has never forgiven me.

But #2 has less experience than that.

We tried on Tuesday. We got the bike out of the shed. He washed the guano off of it. I proved to him that I know how to pump up the tires and adjust the seat.

And then, we proved that the bike we have is too small for him, now that he’s 6’ 2” or better.

He attempted a little abortive pedal into the yard.

I said he should stay where it was flat. Which, in our yard, limits you to a short stretch of curved driveway.

He tried the hill. And was yelling, on his way down, WHY WOULD ANYONE EVEN INVENT A THING LIKE THIS????????

At least I didn’t kneecap him. But have you ever seen anyone in a triathlon that used training wheels?

He thinks he has found a solution. In tonight’s race, he will be sharing a tandem bike. He asked me if this would be harder, or easier.

This afternoon, when my sides stop aching from suppressed mirth, we will be buying a bike helmet. And maybe a St Christopher’s medal.

I’ve been on the road a lot, lately.

Two weeks ago, it was RWA in Orlando. And then, after four days of staggering around my house in a daze, it was into the car and off to Indianapolis for a family vacation at Gencon.

For those of you who have missed these, the first was 2,500 women, and a few men. The second was 30,000 men, and a few women.

That last is kind of an exaggeration. There are a lot more women at Gencon than there used to be. But since it Gencon is a gaming convention that originally centered on Dungeons and Dragons and war games, men are still a healthy majority there.

For me, it meant that I did a week where I bought highlights for my hair and extensions for my eyelashes, got the manicure and the pedicure, matched the shoes to the bag, and was generally on my best behavior. And followed it up with a long weekend where I did my level best to wear a clean shirt a nd comb my hair.
I was beyond low key in Indy, since I was there to relax. And although a few people now actually recognize me when I go to RWA–

(Yes, that was my first book cover, up on the jumbo-tron during the RITA ceremony as a published Golden Heart winner. And yes, that made me tear up, big time, since five years later, that is still one of the biggest thrills in the world)

–no one knows me at Gencon. I am definitely not the family celebrity there. This year, that honor goes to #2 son.

He packed a costume.

#1 reacted with shock. “Cosplay?”

I told him that we did cosplay, back before they even called it that. Middle age spread, and the royal pain in the ass it has become to get luggage through an airport has put a big crimp in the Merrill’s costume wearing.
But #2 has found his niche, and a costume that is easy to pack.

Last Friday, he was Waldo, and everyone in the Indianapolis Convention Center noticed it. Everywhere he went, we heard, “I found him!” “There he is!” and “Hey Waldo, can I have a picture?”

Someone threatened to circle him, and spoil it for everyone.

Also, he was a babe magnet. He got many hugs from many strange women. #1 was most annoyed.

But #1 wasn’t the only one affected. Outside the door to the Will Wheaton Q & A, we came face to face with an excellent Michael Myers from the Halloween movies. Under normal circumstances, Michael would have been the center of attention. Instead, everyone made a B line for Waldo, and grabbed for their cameras.

I have never seen a superhuman homicidal maniac look so despondent.

Of course, any pictures of Waldo in the foreground aren’t really accurate. He needs to be hard to find. Kind of like this.